Programmes & Services For Men Mens Stopping Violence Programmes

Services for men Services for Women Services for Youth

These are programmes for men to learn how to stop destructive behaviour, and to find positive new ways to build respectful and equal relationships with their partners, children and others. Some men are ordered to attend a programme by the court because they have a protection order in force against them, or because they’ve appeared in court charged with assault. If you’ve been ordered to attend, you will be given papers referring you to the organisation that runs the programme. Other men refer themselves to a programme voluntarily, because they want to do all they can to build respectful relationships in their family.

The group programme runs each week on Wednesdays from 7.00pm to 9.30pm for 16 weeks.

“My daughter says to me, dad, how come you're not getting angry like you used to?”

How does the programme work?

At the beginning you will be interviewed and assessed — this might be just one session, or it may involve three or four sessions. During this process, you will be asked to sign a contract that outlines what’s expected of you as a participant in the programme.

After that, you will join the programme. This is usually run in small groups of six to 14 men, with two facilitators, usually one man and one woman.

In special cases you may be referred to an individual programme, where you’ll have one-on-one sessions with a facilitator.

“Even a sister that I haven't seen for two years in Auckland, said she can even hear the change in me on the phone.”

What does the programme cover?

The programme covers:

• clarifying what violence and abuse is, and the different forms it takes in relationships
• looking at violence from other points of view — women, children, family
• identifying the impact of violence and abuse for women, children and families
• supporting men in taking responsibility for their own actions
• unpacking harmful, taken-for-granted ideas about relationships that often lead men into using violence and abuse
• understanding patterns of thinking and feeling that commonly lead to violence
• learning and practising ways of building safety and respect for partners and children
• understanding the way in which society in general has contributed to, justified and tolerated violence in relationships, and finding ways to challenge this
• providing information about the Domestic Violence Act

Will it cost me?

If you’ve been ordered to attend a programme by the courts, either because there is a protection order or because you’ve been charged with assault, the court will pay the cost. If you’re attending the course voluntarily, you’ll usually be asked to pay between $5 and $10 per night, this is negotiable in cases of hardship.

“I remember saying one night, ‘one of the reasons I’m doing this course is so that my son doesn't have to do the same damn course in 20 years’ time.’"

Group Participant Comments – names changed to ensure privacy
Its all right to be angry as long as you don’t turn it into violence – Derek Masterton
Don’t bottle it up, talk and get help – Willie Carterton
I just decided that I want to be a better person – Jack Eketahuna
I learnt to control my anger, stop and think before I acted, know my early warning signs, safe time out, learning where my behaviour comes from – Fred Martinborough
Great course, life changing not only for me but all others in my life – James Masterton

Support Services for men

In addition to the above programmes we are able to provide support counselling and referral options for men who themselves are the victims of violence and abuse.

For Women

We offer a variety of services for women

Anger Change Programmes

Our anger change programme for women is based on the belief that physical, sexual or psychological violence is not OK. It is for women who are aware that the way they express their anger and use violence and abuse against others is harmful. It is for women who are ready to change.
The programme is offered as both a group and individual programme.

Managing Difficult Emotions Groups

The group offers a chance to meet and talk with other women who have had similar experiences, and to look for ways to learn and grow through a newer understanding of themselves and others.

Topics covered include:

• Self Esteem
• Values and beliefs
• Feelings
• Power and Control
• Communication
• Parenting
• Self Care

Woman’s Support Programme

This programme is for women who are feeling confused, isolated and abused in their relationship, and want information and support.

They may be experiencing abuse in the form of pressure and threats, scare tactics, emotional abuse, isolating, denial and not facing up to issues, using children to score points, controlling the money, or calling on male privilege and ownership.

You and your children have the right to be safe and to live free from fear. You are not going crazy. It's not your fault, despite what he and others say. There is no reason or excuse to justify any abuse - ever.

Act now if you or the children are in danger, you cannot cope with the situation, it's getting worse, and you have no-one to turn to.

You are not alone. Others have found help and support through keeping in touch with friends, joining a Women's Education and Support Group, seeking legal help, getting a Protection Order, calling a Refuge ( 06 377 1717 ), or calling Police 111 for emergency help.

Don't give up. You are worth it. You deserve things to be better.

You will know when change is happening:

• When he has stopped being physically and emotionally abusive towards you and others
• When he is able to be angry without becoming verbally or physically abusive
• When he can hear and respect what you're saying even though he may not agree with you
• When he stops wanting to make you feel responsible for his anger and frustrations
• When he respects and listens to you when you want to speak
• When sex becomes 'our experience', not 'his demand'
• When you can go to school, university or get a job without his 'permission'
• When he doesn't get the children to undermine you or to favour him
  

For Youth

Youth and Parenting Programme

Are you or someone you know:

• Having trouble at school
• Getting into fights
• Getting told you have a bad attitude
• Involved in bullying
• Always at sisters and brothers
• Reacting badly & are disrespectful
• Have a short fuse
• In trouble with the police

SVSW youth programmes aim to provide a safe, friendly and non-blaming environment to help young people understand their anger and find alternatives to violence and abuse.

The participants at completion will be able to:

• Learn hoe to effectively deal with conflict;
• Understand that anger is a healthy emotion and develop strategies to keep cool under stress;
• Recognise what violent behaviour is and its impact upon themselves and others;
• Learn to use key questions before situations of conflict develop and make well considered choices in dealing with conflict;
• Be active in building non-violent relationships;

Programmes will include a mix of the following

• Understanding anger and changing abusive behaviour
• Feelings and assertive communication
• Negotiating skills
• Safety plans
• Support systems
• Family Violence
• Power and control
• Self respect
• Boundaries and sexual respect

Programmes are tailored to individual needs and where possible will require the input of parents and or support people.

Referrals are accepted from the youth themselves, their whanau, community agencies, chld youth and family, and guidance counsellors / social workers in schools.

We are also able to provide seminars and programmes for schools and educational institutions.

For information about the National Network of Stopping Violence Youth Project visit www.respect.org.nz